Finally!

Look sir, Aluminum tubes!

Situations I will almost certainly never be in, Vol. 1

I am watching "Gladiator" in my loft apartment, wide awake and having a particularly satisfying time pointing out the countless anachronistic bloopers. After my third Nike sighting, which I am more than happy to announce aloud to the director, the actors, and their multi-million dollar budget, I feel a distant rumbling. I blink, and in a flash I am in the body of a well-to-do Victorian Brit sitting at dinner with his friends. Not only am I alive in the nineteenth century, but now I have to carry on a conversation with people I don't know and eat food I didn't order.

Tales of Jazz from Wynton Marsalis

Man, when we were schoolkids, we were always playing music. We played jazz just about everywhere. We played underneath our desks, in the locker rooms, even on our teachers' backs! These poor teachers were just trying to teach grammar and they always had to stop and be like, "Wynton, you get your jazz trio off my scapula!"

Reflection

A Yia for a Yia leaves the whole world blind.

Midget!

"Hey!"

"Watch that gnomenclature."